3/5/2012 Portland, Oregon – Pop in your mints…
Nearly 20 years ago, Jeff Foxworthy topped the comedy charts when he released his now famous album “You Might be a Redneck if…” While we have no illusions that today’s musings will attain the fame that Mr. Foxworthy’s have, today’s Mint is an entirely accidental homage to Mr. Foxworthy in which we present a series of one-liners which we hope will provide an invaluable service to the American public.
Namely, we aim to provide the public with comical assistance in helping one properly identify whether or not they are a Socialist. It is a handy, self convicting exercise which is meant to help all of us to identify and perhaps deal with our latent Socialist tendencies.
In other words, you may laugh heartily, knowing that the laughter, like the accumulated loss of capital in a Socialist society, is at the expense of the proletariat. Enjoy:
You might be a Socialist if… (with apologies to Mr. Foxworthy):
You default to the government when asked who should solve a social problem
You get a measure of self righteous gratification when passing through a body scanner
You believe in economic equality
You have attempted to define economic equality
You make special exceptions for yourself when defining your concept of economic equality
You still believe in economic equality after attempting to define it
You are a member of a labor union
You wish you were a member of a labor union
You wish you were an unemployed member of a labor union
You believe that tariffs save jobs
You believe that limitations on immigration save jobs
You believe that taxes create jobs
You believe that regulations create jobs
You vote for tax increases
You vote for a representative government which asserts authority over those who are not permitted to vote
You are entirely comfortable living in a world where the “end justifies the means”
You regularly give unsolicited advice to strangers
You get angry when such advice is ignored
You use a central bank issued currency as a savings instrument
You have attempted to describe the economic benefit of homogenized interest rates
You prefer a higher national GDP to a higher personal income
You believe that certain projects are so big that only the government is qualified to do them
You can say “government efficiency” with a straight face
You have ever defended TARP on the grounds that a nebulous “greater disaster” was averted
You’ve referred to “Cash for Clunkers” as good for the environment
You’ve referred to “Cash for Clunkers” as good for the economy
You’ve referred to war as good for the economy
You’ve referred to a natural disaster as good for the economy
You believe that there is a universally fair price for certain goods or services
You believe that said universally fair price should be a dictated by the government
You would feel guilty paying less than said universally fair price
You think you are saving money because an expense is tax deductible
You have uttered the words “necessary evil” as an explanation for a moral contradiction
You have uttered the words “the lesser of two evils” to explain an unpopular decision
You use the words “quality” and “equality” interchangeably
And finally, the last one we can think of for today, which, as you can see, if far from qualifying as a punch line:
Your list of inalienable rights extends beyond or excludes life, liberty, and property
If you have said “that’s me” to one or more of the above, you might be a socialist. If you find that you truly are a Socialist, take comfort in the fact that you form part of a large and vocal majority. The most logical response, if this is the case, is to fully embrace one’s socialist identity and to leave behind the inherent contradictions of calling oneself a “liberal” or “conservative.”
There is absolutely no shame in identifying as a Socialist. As Polonius urged his son so we urge you, fellow taxpayer, “To thine own self be true.”
However, if it disturbs you to have identified with any of the above statements, please continue to peruse The Mint, as all of us can aspire towards embracing True Capitalism, and move towards creating a future full of the blessings of real freedom for our children.
Stay tuned and Trust Jesus.
Key Indicators for March 5, 2012
FED Target Rate: 0.11% ON AUTOPILOT, THE FED IS DEAD!
MINT Perceived Target Rate*: 1.00% AWAY WE GO!