You Might be a Socialist if…

3/5/2012 Portland, Oregon – Pop in your mints…

Nearly 20 years ago, Jeff Foxworthy topped the comedy charts when he released his now famous album “You Might be a Redneck if…”  While we have no illusions that today’s musings will attain the fame that Mr. Foxworthy’s have, today’s Mint is an entirely accidental homage to Mr. Foxworthy in which we present a series of one-liners which we hope will provide an invaluable service to the American public.

Namely, we aim to provide the public with comical assistance in helping one properly identify whether or not they are a Socialist.  It is a handy, self convicting exercise which is meant to help all of us to identify and perhaps deal with our latent Socialist tendencies.

In other words, you may laugh heartily, knowing that the laughter, like the accumulated loss of capital in a Socialist society, is at the expense of the proletariat.  Enjoy:

You might be a Socialist if… (with apologies to Mr. Foxworthy):

You default to the government when asked who should solve a social problem

You get a measure of self righteous gratification when passing through a body scanner

You believe in economic equality

You have attempted to define economic equality

You make special exceptions for yourself when defining your concept of economic equality

You still believe in economic equality after attempting to define it

You are a member of a labor union

You wish you were a member of a labor union

You wish you were an unemployed member of a labor union

You believe that tariffs save jobs

You believe that limitations on immigration save jobs

You believe that taxes create jobs

You believe that regulations create jobs

You vote for tax increases

You vote for a representative government which asserts authority over those who are not permitted to vote

You are entirely comfortable living in a world where the “end justifies the means”

You regularly give unsolicited advice to strangers

You get angry when such advice is ignored

You use a central bank issued currency as a savings instrument

You have attempted to describe the economic benefit of homogenized interest rates

You prefer a higher national GDP to a higher personal income

You believe that certain projects are so big that only the government is qualified to do them

You can say “government efficiency” with a straight face

You have ever defended TARP on the grounds that a nebulous “greater disaster” was averted

You’ve referred to “Cash for Clunkers” as good for the environment

You’ve referred to “Cash for Clunkers” as good for the economy

You’ve referred to war as good for the economy

You’ve referred to a natural disaster as good for the economy

You believe that there is a universally fair price for certain goods or services

You believe that said universally fair price should be a dictated by the government

You would feel guilty paying less than said universally fair price

You think you are saving money because an expense is tax deductible

You have uttered the words “necessary evil” as an explanation for a moral contradiction

You have uttered the words “the lesser of two evils” to explain an unpopular decision

You use the words “quality” and “equality” interchangeably

And finally, the last one we can think of for today, which, as you can see, if far from qualifying as a punch line:

Your list of inalienable rights extends beyond or excludes life, liberty, and property

If you have said “that’s me” to one or more of the above, you might be a socialist.  If you find that you truly are a Socialist, take comfort in the fact that you form part of a large and vocal majority.  The most logical response, if this is the case, is to fully embrace one’s socialist identity and to leave behind the inherent contradictions of calling oneself a “liberal” or “conservative.”

There is absolutely no shame in identifying as a Socialist.  As Polonius urged his son so we urge you, fellow taxpayer, “To thine own self be true.”

However, if it disturbs you to have identified with any of the above statements, please continue to peruse The Mint, as all of us can aspire towards embracing True Capitalism, and move towards creating a future full of the blessings of real freedom for our children.

Stay tuned and Trust Jesus.

Stay Fresh!

David Mint



Key Indicators for March 5, 2012

Copper Price per Lb: $3.84

Oil Price per Barrel:  $106.97

Corn Price per Bushel:  $6.66

10 Yr US Treasury Bond:  2.01%


Gold Price Per Ounce:  $1,705

MINT Perceived Target Rate*:  1.00% AWAY WE GO!

Unemployment Rate:  8.3%

Inflation Rate (CPI):  0.2%

Dow Jones Industrial Average: 12,964

M1 Monetary Base:  $2,199,000,000,000

M2 Monetary Base:  $9,759,800,000,000